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March 27, 2019 2 min read

We here at Amandean have a great announcement today: Vegan Collagen is becoming a reality.

Here's how we did it. Working with academics who specialize in the use of advanced techniques to create exact duplicates of all carbon-based materials and beings, they developed technology that creates atom-for-atom imitations of both all atomic and cellular structures, with two primary objectives in mind: primarily, to create precise copies of collagen powder that have not originated from any living beings; and secondarily, as a minor added bonus, to be able to clone human beings.

Since our primary, laser-like focus is on collagen, this is our most popular product and our most astounding success. The new collagen, which we call Micro Act-alike Genetically Identical Collagen (known internally by its acronym, MAGIC), while originating 100% via lab technologies and thus harming no living beings, not even plants, in the process, is proven to be completely identical to collagen in every way and thus is vegan perfect.

As a wonderful result of the new technology, we can thus lower the cost of collagen enormously -- hopefully, if all goes well, to about $0.02 per megaton retail consumer prices, with a possibility we can get it to $0.01. We know that collagen is currently so hard to source well that all-natural, organic, healthy collagen is one of the more expensive health products on the market. But our new, lab-produced collagen is expected to revolutionize the market.

One unfortunate negative side effect of MAGIC is that, in order to make the MAGIC happen, our research laboratory consumes enough electricity to power the lights, microscopes, and of course our Thromdibulator. The electricity our studio uses is produced in a power plant about 111 miles away that uses nuclear energy, and as such, it will produce nuclear waste one day based on the energy consumed. We apologize for our indirect complicity in harming the environment.

We are also pleased to announce that, as a result of this collagen cloning technology, we can fully clone human beings as well with zero problems including an exact copy of their brain structure including all memories, and we suspect there may be a business application or two for that use, and so we are currently planning to create a subsidiary focused on that initiative.

Finally, we also want to announce that today is April Fools Day. Gotcha.

To shop our premium non-GMO, Grass-Fed Collagen from happy South American cows as well as our sustainably-sourced Wild-Caught Marine Collagen from the North Atlantic, check out our online shop!

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